she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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