he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
