Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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