That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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