Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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