Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
