Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this boner is exhausting
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
