so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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