So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
