we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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