You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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