The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
