And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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