He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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