Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
