I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As shirtless as possible
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
