He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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