What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
