ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
