My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
