You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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