I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
