Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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