So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
