is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
