There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
