weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
