Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
