I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
