i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
