Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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