I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
