We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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