I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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