You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
