I am puke
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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