We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
