I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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