WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
