just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
