If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
