my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
