this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
