I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Use "feeling words"
Yay
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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