dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
