Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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