My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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