were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i've created a new STD.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
third nipple confirmed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
