drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
