My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's rum buckets o'clock
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
