I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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