I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
