It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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