the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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