i would punch a child for taco bell
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
