Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
