quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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