Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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