May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
