i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
