Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
