I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
