Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
