A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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