Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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