i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
