Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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