I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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