can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
