Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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