i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
