So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
