Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
