I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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