Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
