Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
